Secret Diary Of A Newspaper Intern: Part 5

Last day and the dreaded bedsit is abandoned once and for all. There’s no love lost there. I take a punt on emailing the Editor-of-Everything. He agrees to meet. I spend the whole day “meeting” him by running around the entirety of News International attempting to pinpoint his location. I feel like Tom Hanks in Catch Me If You Can. All my leads are two seconds too late. I finally track him down to find that he isn’t actually Leonardo DiCaprio. Gutted.

In addition I secure meetings with a host of different desks in an act of spineless desperation. One matter defeats me. All week I have sought to uncover the Holy Grail. No matter who I ask nobody knows where The Bible is actually derived from. Not that bible. The Sunday Times’ most doted and fabulous supplement - Style Magazine. Forget the job hunt, I need to meet the Voice Of Reason, aka Mrs Mills. Like the Holy Grail, Style HQ remains the Divine’s best guarded secret, unconquerable by even Dan Brown. I’m totally devastated.

As I approach the finish line emergency strikes. It’s Fashion. Katy Perry and Sienna Miller will be pictured tomorrow wearing High-Top sneakers (it seems you can tell a lot about a woman's choice of man by the shoes she wears). Which High-Top sneakers remains unknown. I must find out against the clock. With blood, sweat and tears I Google like I’ve never Google’d before. Enraged I cry, why so many trainers Sienna – how many pairs can one girl own?! A close resemblance to Lanvin is suspected but I’m shot down. In a moment of pure inspiration I change my search words from “Sienna Miller, High Tops” to just “High Top, Purple, Grey, Black” and hit Search Image. Hey, presto! I win, I win!

I stop. Katy Perry. Bloody Katy Perry. She kissed a girl, she 'tamed' Russell Brand, she decided to buy High-Tops. Suddenly my problem. But time is up. The game is over. I take my final steps through Wapping with the feeling that no more of me could have been left there. It’s back to the long wait and my very own yet-to-triumph campaign. What’s dat? ETTA: Employ The Tea-Girl Already.

Jaz x

Incidentally the stroppy sleb mentioned in Part 4 is The Times Weekend cover star this morning ;)